Teaching - the hardest gig? Part Two

Last week, after a delay brought about by the half term break and a Government inspection, I presented the last of a series of woodwind demonstrations. Aimed at the 11yr old intake at a local high school the sessions were designed to educate the children about instruments they would only otherwise see on TV. There was also a hope that some children might take up the flute, clarinet or saxophone themselves.

The sessions open with a question to the audience: 'What is a woodwind instrument?" As someone who didn't know what a flute looked like until first presented with one at age 13 or 14, I should not have been surprised by some of the answers. Drums, guitar and 'cello were obviously way off the mark. Trumpet a little closer. One completely unexpected suggestion was didgeridoo. From that session onwards I brought in a 5ft (1.5m) cardboard tube to use as my first instrument and followed this up with a genuine Australian didge (pictured).

I keep the didge playing to a minimum. The embouchure doesn't sit easily with playing reed instruments so I don't practise it much. Then comes bamboo flute; children are always surprised that so much music can come from something so simple. This I contrast with the orchestral flute on which I play 'Greensleeves' accompanied by the class teacher on piano. Greensleeves is an English folk tune attributed, at least by some, to King Henry VIII although it is unlikely to have been written before he died in 1547. Perhaps as many as half the children recognised this but none could name it.

Questions about the flute, and for the other instruments, include "How much do they cost?" and "How many buttons has it got?" I can never remember how many keys so have to count them all each time. The sax has so many I don't bother.

The clarinet comes next and I play them a klezmer tune called Mazel Tov, (Yiddish for Good Luck!). I don't know many klezmer tunes in major keys but this is one and it's a hit. I mention the instruments uses in jazz and classical music before playing something from Carmen by Bizet, again with a piano accompaniment. I make a mental note to find out exactly what a character in SpongeBob plays on the instrument.

And then come the saxophones. I have brought in an alto and a tenor as this is what the school has available for study. The teacher and I play The Pink Panther theme by Henry Mancini. instantly recognised by one and all. I then play a few bars of The Simpsons on the tenor. We contrast size and weight of the instruments and the teacher tells the children about forms to take home if they are interested in learning an instrument.

And now there is time for a final question or two. "Do you teach guitar?"

Teaching - the hardest gig? Part One

Performing for adults, although not always a breeze, is very different from entertaining children. For a start, adults have chosen to be there and are generally predisposed to having a good time. Kids, in school anyway, are there under sufferance and are not usually allowed to start chatting amongst themselves or drift off to the bar.

As a classroom teacher there is time in which to get to know a group and build a relationship. As a freelancer it's often a completely new class each time: new kids and new teacher in charge. There is usually, even within the same school, a completely different culture: ground rules and acceptable standards of behaviour are never the same twice. Yet every teacher seems surprised that there may be other ways of doing things.

I am presently in the middle of a series of sessions in which I am trying to revive interest in learning woodwind at a local high school. The place had just built a new library and created a sixth form when the old head retired. He was replaced by a man who was the perfect embodiment of the Peter Principle (by which members of an organisation rise to their level of incompetence). Within two years he had turned the school around, nosediving it into a failed inspection and a 'special measures' regime. Parents capable of exercising choice sent their kids anywhere but this school and music, including woodwind, went through the floor.

So in attempt to garner students I have been taking in a variety of instruments to demonstrate to Year 7 classes. I am about half way through the series and will report next week when it's all over. To date the highlight has to be the student who was evicted from the room for failing to give an appropriate answer during the roll call. Presumably to maximise the attention he was getting he decided to sprint to the door, failing as he did so to notice the music stand I had set up. The stand went down with the child on top. Fortunately neither suffered any real damage.

In all this episode must have wasted ten or fifteen minutes of teaching time as we waited for a senior teacher to come and hear both sides of the story in the corridor outside.

The Serenade

Last night Andy Kirkham and I played at Dunston Hall's brasserie. Dunston Hall is a large hotel, conference centre and golf course just south of Norwich. We used to play there once a month on rotation with some other outfits before the credit crunch. "Jazz every Friday" became "jazz on the last Friday of the month" so now we play there two or three times a year.

Our primary function is to look good against the pot plants and décor so DJs and bow ties are mandatory. The volume must be such that conversation flows easily over the music but any gaps are not awkward.

The diners in the vast room are hidden from us by screens. We face the entrance so see them as they arrive and when they leave. A few we see as they wander past to get their food. Some are old and shuffling, others are young and preening but none seem immune from attempting a dance step or shimmy as they pass in front of the musicians. (Our smiles were warm and indulgent.) Beyond that our presence is rarely acknowledged.

Last night, for the first time ever, we were asked to play 'Happy Birthday'. This is a harder tune than you may think as the melody begins on the dominant and it's easy to end up with a sharpened fourth if one is careless. I have seen otherwise able players come unstuck. But we had practised this. The trouble was, we couldn't remember in what key.

Andy was all for doing it in E but that meant six sharps for me on the clarinet. I insisted on Bb - after all, he only had to bash out three chords, albeit without a strap. In the even the party began singing (in Eb) as soon as they saw us approaching so we had to join in. We then played it for them in C - much too low - and have agreed F as a key for the future. I'll learn it in E too as we're sure to have forgotten by next time.

Other diners obviously took note and later we blessed an engaged couple and another table's special occasion although I never learned the cause for celebration. No doubt things will return to normal when we go back in October.

Now, having seen the photograph, you may wonder what on earth possessed three tables to invite us to play to them close up. But then you're probably sober.